Conflicted Souls
by Kalima Idina
Summary: I used to imagine I wanted to be invisible…though that would have been before I actually was. What composes an identity? A soul? Is one born with each, or do they grow from experiences? I have none of my own... Rated T just in case.
1. Unbidden Thoughts

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men, nor any other part of the Marvel Universe.

AN: This is just a "teaser," something small to get people interested. If you are, please review, so I know if I should continue this idea...

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Prologue: Unbidden Thoughts

**Not many find themselves able to comprehend the complexities of my thought process. I, like the few others of my kind, am an evolved species. We are the cure to the disease of humanity. If the weak are not prepared to become the strong, then natural selection must stay its course. And I **_**am**_** natural selection's instrument.**

_Natural selection? No. A gift. A gift to all mankind. No longer an outcast—no longer a freak. Though I feel guilt for the lie that brought me here…_

_**Guilt? No, none of that. A stronger emotion. One of pure hatred. We shall destroy all those who have persecuted us, and then we shall hide no longer. We will rule in our own right, and no one will have the power to stand against us.**_

Hide? Yes, I must always hide. Freak or monster, which am I? Perhaps both. My brother's blood still stains my discolored hands. An evolved human? No, I do not believe I am even that. But I shall strive to prove myself wrong so that I may stand before God with no remorse. As long as I can control the evil within, I may yet use my grotesque abilities to help those I terrify.

**Yes, sometimes my past terrifies me. The family I left, the home I would never return to...these are thoughts that will always haunt me. But what haunts me more is the terror of the powers I control...or fail to. Which is why I took them forever away - or so I thought.**

_**Failure. That is a word I am much familiar with. It is all I ever seemed to know in the place I was supposed to call home. I left - I found a home worth the being called such, and found a friend I would risk anything for. Or so I once believed. But now I fight against him - for fame, power? I simply do not know anymore. **_

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Ahhh…

I used to imagine I wanted to be invisible…though that would have been before I actually was. What composes an identity? A soul? Is one born with each, or do they grow from experiences? I have none of my own. My mind is far too cluttered from those of others (AN: As seen from above). And now, hidden in plain sight, I begin to develop thoughts of my own...

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AN: Sound interesting? I know this is probably confusing, but that's kind of the point. Kudos to anyone who can name each thought to its mutant!


	2. Hidden in Plain Sight

Disclaimer: Still don't own X-men, but I do own my character, who's name will be mentioned at some point...

AN: Thanks to my two reviewers! I'm so glad someone (two someones) liked my little "teaser!" Anyway, since both of you thought it was a good idea, I'm updating with the first chapter! I'll stop talking now, and get on with the story.... I hope everyone enjoys it!

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Chapter One: Hidden in Plain Sight

The first memory I can claim without a doubt at my own occurred on what seemed to be quite an ordinary day. Kitty and Kurt sat together on a bench jjust outside the Xavier Institute, on the gournds. I remember the conversation quite vividly because I was a part of it. I was Kitty…or at least, that was what Kurt was led to believe.

"That new kid's doing pretty well," Kurt was saying.

"Who, Bobby?" I questioned, a blush creeping to Kitty's cheeks as her thoughts reacted to the mutant's words.

"Yes, Bobby," Kurt responded with a grin. "You have a thing for him, don't you?" he pressed.

"Kurt!" I squealed, reaching to poke at his side. He disappeared, and I almost fell off the bench. Reappearing on top of the bench, he laughed. I smiled wryly up at him, Kitty's thoughts in line with my own as we found him amusing.

"I have a question," Kurt murmured, suddenly serious. He still perched precariously upon the top edge of the bench.

"What is it?" I replied, glancing up at him. Our gaze met, and for a moment I stared into his dark, solemn eyes.

"When did you get over the fact that I'm a monster?" he asked finally.

_When Kitty_ _stopped being Kitty_, I thought to myself. Shadowcat's own thoughts reeled from mine. _I'm not me?_ they seemed to say.

In a flash, a memory from my own mind resurfaced…

_A man stood before me, his hair grey and his eyes a hard blue. He was opening a cell door and offering for me to enter before him. I would oblige, entering the room with deliberate steps. A girl, around my age, sat in the cell. Her hair was disheveled, her innocent brown eyes helpless._

"_This is Shadowcat," the man introduced pleasantly. The girl glared up at him, although her eyes hinted at the fear beneath._

"_Hello, Shadowcat," I would say, tilting my head to the side. I would then return my attention to the man._

"_I want you to master her abilities," he began, "and then you must enter the Xavier Institute in her form. Do you understand, Danielle?" the man questioned._

"_Of course, Father," I would reply, walking towards the girl. Her eyes seemed confused. As I reached out to touch her, Shadowcat withdrew. "There is no reason to be frightened," I would say, my voice calm. "It does not hurt." Her eyes remained frightened, but I reached out once again and placed my hand lightly upon hers. I felt a jolt of energy as her power flowed into mine. "See?" I would murmur, my voice strained. "You did not feel a thing." The onslaught of emotions caught me off guard, as always, and I would convulse in pain, the ground rushing to meet me._

_The man caught me before I fell. I would glance up at him to see his piercing eyes soften with concern one moment and then harden into steel. "Steady, Danielle," he cautioned, releasing his hold of me. I stood firmly on my own. "Have you received the information?" the man questioned._

"_Yes," I would reply hesitantly. The thoughts I had just acquired from the girl would scream in protest. _No! Magneto! Run, run!_ With some effort, I controlled the sudden desire to run far and fast from this place. "I will draft a report on the whereabouts of all of Xavier's operations."_

"_No!" the Kitty inside my head exclaimed as the one in the cell cried aloud._

_The man smiled thinly at the girl. "Which of course means there is no reason to keep you alive."  
_

I doubled over in pain, clutching my head as a multitude of thoughts cried out in protest to what I had just remembered. _Not Kitty, no!_ Kurt's voice cried, his voice seeming to break inside the depths of my mind. _No!_ Bobby yelled as the other mutants I had managed to absorb pressed their opinions upon me in an onslaught of conflicting emotions.

"Kitty?" Nightcrawler was suddenly at my side, gently placing his hands upon my shoulders. "What is wrong?" he questioned, his voice full of concern.

I opened my mouth, preparing the word I was to say in response. _I am going to die,_ I almost spoke. But then my eyes flew open, and I suddenly remembered who I was. "I am…I'm fine," I finally murmured, straightening. "I just had this awful headache all of the sudden," was my explanation.

"Are you certain?" He turned to sit on the other side of the bench. "Do you want to see Xavier just in case?"

"No. I'm fine," was my nervous reply. One glance into my mind and the kind old man would have known my secret. Kitty's thoughts seemed to glimmer with hope for a moment before settling down with a discontented sigh. "I just need something cold."

I stood, talking hold of his hand and pulling him up behind me. We both released our grip as soon as he came up beside me, his face grinning. Nightcrawler and I walked through the grounds to the building that housed Xavier's students. We entered through a side door and into the living area. Sarah, an omega level mutant, sat on the couch. With an absorbed power, she flipped through the channels on the television, blinking her eyes when a station lost its attraction. I took a deep breath, and then immersed myself in Kitty's thoughts. The girl glanced up as we passed, her face confused.

_You all right?_ she asked me mentally.

_I'm fine—just a headache_, was Kitty's response.

Sarah probed Shadowcat's mind for a moment before retreating back into her own with a mental shrug.

Kurt turned towards the kitchen, and with some effort I withdrew my mind from Kitty's thoughts. I stood there, disoriented, for a short moment.

"Kitty?" I glanced up, and Kurt stood near the pantry, glancing over at me. "Do you want a soda?" he questioned, removing a warm coke from the open doors.

"Sure," I replied with a nod.

He brought it over to me, and I glanced down at the beverage, frowning. I certainly did have a headache, and a cold soda would have been preferred.

"Need some help?" came a voice, and Kitty's thoughts soared as I glanced over to see Bobby standing at the staircase that led down to the living area.

I allowed Kitty's smile to come to my own face as I held out the bottle. Iceman came down the stairs toward Shadowcat, taking hold of the container and lightly blowing upon it. Shivers ran down my spine as the glass grew suddenly cold.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sarah's eyes narrow minutely from her seat upon the couch, and I briefly wondered what had upset her. The moment passed, and Sarah grinned at Kitty, patting the open seat next to her. I accepted her invitation, coming to sit lightly upon the comfortable piece of furniture. For some reason, the two boys followed. Iceman sat upon the arm of the sofa—next to me—while Kurt sat crossed legged upon the floor, facing us.

I took a sip of the cold soda, enjoying the cool liquid as it rolled down my throat.

Kurt glanced up at Bobby, a smirk threatening the edges of his lips. "Hey, I heard you're doing better on the battle simulations," he began with a glance at Sarah.

"Sure," the girl beside me replied before Bobby could even open his mouth. "I pinned you in five minutes this time, instead of only one," she told Bobby with a teasing smile.

"Well that's certainly an improvement, isn't it?" I murmured. The three of them glanced over at me, and then laughed. Kitty's thoughts grew content inside my head, as if she were enjoying herself. What was this peculiar feeling?

After their laughter was expended, Sarah turned to the mutant upon the floor. "I wouldn't be giving Bobby such a hard time about battle simulators," the girl added with a smirk. "_You're_ the one I finished off in seconds rather than minutes."

Kurt sighed, his face chagrin.

"C'mon, Kurt—lighten up. If you can't take what you dish out..." Bobby began.

"…Then don't open your mouth," Sarah finished, turning slightly pink as Iceman glanced over at her.

Kitty remained content for the moment, surrounded by those she loved. I smiled lightly, relieved that the voices inside my head were almost silent.

"What, Dad?" Sarah said nervously, apparently replying to a mental inquiry from her father. "Okay; I'm coming!" she continued, and then simply disappeared from the room with a cloud of blue smoke.

I now sat alone upon the couch. The two males turned towards me, and I felt a blush slowly creep up to my cheeks.

"_Kitty!_" Sarah yelled from the other room.

"Yes?" I replied with a startled jump. The two teenagers to the left and in front of me glanced around as well.

"Come 'ere!" the girl continued, her voice muffled by the thick wall.

"Uh...sure." I exited the room, glancing back at the two boys and wondering why they had such sour expressions upon their faces.

Sarah grabbed my wrist suddenly and pulled me behind the nearby wall. Startled once again, I almost shifted out of Shadowcat's form. I quickly regained control, turning my gaze to the girl at my side. She sighed deeply. "He must think I'm an idiot, huh?" she questioned, glancing over at me with a sad smile.

"What?" I questioned, still disoriented. "Of whom are you speaking?" I tilted my head to the side, curious. It was rather fortunate Sarah was distracted. If she were not, the mutant would have noticed my speaking patterns revert from her friend's and into my own.

"Bobby..." she replied quietly, startling me out of my reverie. The girl sank to the floor, rubbing her temples.

Kitty appeared to be discontent within my mind. _She likes him, too?_ her thoughts seemed to say. But in the next moment, Shadowcat's kind nature instinctively drew her towards the despairing girl. Following these instincts, I allowed myself to sink to the floor as well, placing a comforting hand upon Sarah's shoulder.

The mutant glanced over at me with a soft sigh, and then placed her hands to her temple once again. "Hey, I'm sorry I'm bringing it up to you. I mean, you told me awhile ago you liked him. I dunno—I guess I didn't say anything before because I didn't want to hurt you…'cause you're my best friend," she added quietly, glancing up at who she believed to be her companion. Her eyes mirrored the turmoil she felt within.

"It's okay," I murmured, rubbing the girl's shoulder lightly. _You can't change how you feel, _Kitty seemed to say within the depths of my mind.

Sarah sighed, placing her face in her hands.

I sat there for a moment, wondering whether or not to absorb the young mutant's powers. As I deliberated, Kitty's instincts managed to rise to the surface once again, and her words found their way to my lips. "Hey, he doesn't think you're an idiot. I'm sure he thinks you're pretty awesome—I know I do," I added, managing a smile.

Sarah chuckled in amusement, lightly shrugging off my hand. It did not seem as if she were ungrateful for my comfort, only that she had no need for it anymore. "Thanks Kit-Kat," she murmured, her mouth tilting upwards slightly and confirming my suspicion.

"You're welcome," I replied, slightly uncomfortable.

Sarah smiled at the girl who she believed to be her friend. Perhaps her mind was still focused upon the male mutant, for the smile did not seem to reach her eyes.

I returned the smile, mentally sighing at the lost opportunity to receive the girl's powers.

Sarah stood, her mood lightened. "Hey, let's go to the movies or something," she suggested, her tentative smile widening into a grin.

"Sure," I replied, my own smile widening as well. "Do you want to invite the boys?" I questioned, glancing over to the living area. According to Shadowcat's memories, it seemed to be the correct suggestion.

"If you want to…" The mutant shrugged, seemingly indifferent. For some reason, I do not think she was as indifferent as she wished to appear. "It could be fun," she allowed.

"Definitely," I agreed. "I still have a headache, though.... Meet you in an hour?"

"Yeah, okay," Sarah responded with a nod. "I'll ask the guys, and you can go rest."

"Thanks." My own response was a soft smile. Mine. Not Kitty's. I was grateful for the relief.

"No problem. Hey, guys!" the mutant girl called as she went into the living room, leaving me alone to relax. Well, relax as much as I possible could with the complex thoughts of others swarming inside my head, each struggling to gain a foothold.

Naturally, I found the course to Shadowcat's sleeping quarters, searching through the young mutant's thoughts as I roamed the near-deserted school. Entering the room, I curled up on my new bed. Reaching towards the bedside table, I retrieved the cell phone from Kitty's purse and dialed the number from memory.

It was answered on the first ring. "Father?" I questioned cautiously. "Yes," I replied in response to his words. "I'm in."

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AN: Was that a cliffhanger? I do love cliffhangers.... xD Well, I hoped everyone enjoyed it! (If not, you are entitled to your opinion. I rather like it, but I suppose I _could _be biased.) Anyway, please review! I love feedback, too! (Hey, that rhymed! I get extremely random when I'm tired...maybe I shouldn't update at two in the morning...)


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